Sometimes I think I live and work within a cartoon mixed together with a prime time sitcom. Similar to “The Office,” this one will be called “Nuclear Fallout” and will be structured around the Farm News Office. Whether I want to be or not I will be one of the main characters, a middle aged, slightly overweight, more than slightly balding, middle management male working with an entire staff of women. This character thinks he is much funnier than he actually is and is the first to laugh at his ridiculous statements and jokes that are not funny to anyone else. His way of motivating is dancing and singing made-up inspirational songs. Although non-creepy the staff tends to laugh at him and not with him, or is it that they just feel a bit sorry for him because of a possible mental condition. I would compare his character to a mix between George Costanza in Cheers and Al Bundy in Married with Children. My character isn’t quite as inappropriate as Al but both are goofs and both, at one time, sold shoes.

The next character in this sure to be a hit comedy is Farm News lady #1. Being the elder statesman of the group, she has a ton of quick wit and her responses are generally mixed in with bits of dry humor and a varying amount of sarcasm. I believe she invented the phrase “whatever,” especially when it comes to change which she can deal with in small doses only. So where Arnold had the saying “What you talking about Willis?” this character of my sitcom has the phrase “whatever.” She has a lot of spirit and is adored by all, especially when she brings in treats, but make her mad and you get a time-out that can last for days. She is an original member of the team that has been flirting with retirement, but as long as she continues to purchase home improvement projects we may get to enjoy her in our sitcom’s second season if the network picks us up. This character would be a mix between the sweetness of Rose (Betty White) in the Golden Girls and the attitude of Bea Arthur in Maude.

Farm News lady #2 has that take charge kind of personality that can easily multi-task. While being able to do most things well she also doesn’t enjoy being told what to do and does not deal well with mediocre efforts from her superior or co-workers. Motivated by having to pay for all of the toys her husband buys she is very aggressive in her work habits but also tends to be a social butterfly loving water cooler talk. Extremely fun to work with, but you need to try to out run her if you are the one to make her mad. Since she started a workout regiment it’s tougher to do that. Her characteristics land her somewhere between Jillian of the Biggest Loser and Carla from Cheers, a no nonsense, a little bossy, got to have it her way most of the time kind of woman. As she goes the staff goes, when she is into having a little fun or getting job at hand done the rest of the staff follows suit.

The last cast member from my new sitcom is Farm News lady #3 who is slender like Olive Oil but whose character mostly resembles Jan, the middle daughter of the Brady Bunch, because like Jan you never hear Farm News lady #3 speak. Besides being a relatively quiet person I think something is wrong with her volume button, because when she speaks no one responds since no one can hear her. She is the staff’s do it all person who never ever complains except if it’s about one of her boys giving her a headache.

Together this group works and works well together. They laugh and they play, they love to make fun of the manager who is the only guy, and they love to bring in tons of business. It may be a crazy cast of individuals but it’s also a very successful group. Although this sitcom would more than likely show up on a seldom seen YouTube video than a prime time spot on a major network, it’s been a blast to produce. Until next time.