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CLAYTON RYE

By Staff | Apr 24, 2015

Last fall my wife and I crossed the threshold and joined the rest of the world when we switched to the so-called Smartphones.

We entered a whole new world where a phone was no longer just a phone, but a device to tell you everything you wanted to know about anything and things you didn’t really care about.

After hearing about something called apps, there we were searching for them, installing them and pretty much never using them.

That is, except for my app that lets me play solitaire where, so far, I have won 275 games out of 1,944 played.

I have an app that counts my steps each day, graphing them to show the time of day I was most (and least) inactive.

And when I am sitting still, it will show me where I am and direct me to where I want to go.

I can buy electronic books online and read them while checking the weather and grain prices.

I can calculate fertilizer and herbicide rates.

I am starting to understand why people always seem to be staring into the screen of their phone.

If I am alone or feeling lonely, I can use my phone as a radio to listen to any station anywhere.

That was when I learned about the two words called “data plan.” Maybe I wasn’t that lonely after all.

I also received an education on battery life and now have cords and chargers scattered all through the house.

When on a trip, what would be worse to forget at home? A change of underwear or your phone charger? I’m thinking, I’m thinking.

I did find an app that let me connect my cell phone to my camera so that I could operate the camera using the Smartphone as a remote control. It is useful for taking selfies when my arms are not long enough.

Now that’s progress.

Just before Christmas I bought my wife two cooking thermometers, one for the stove and one for the grill, which would show the temperature using (get ready for this) an app on her Smartphone.

After opening the boxes, she put the two thermometers back in their boxes and put them in a cabinet above the washing machine where they have not been touched since.

So much for progress.

I was recently listening to the radio and an ad from a man in the home improvement business came on, telling about the advancement in garage door openers he sold and installed.

He told how a person can now open and close their garage door using, of course, an app on their Smartphone.

The last sentence on his ad said, “Now you can open and close your garage door from anywhere in the world.”

Huh?

I believe that is too much progress. Now we have gone too far.

Maybe it is time for a game of solitaire.

What is that strange noise? Oh, wait, somebody is calling me.

Oh, yes, you can talk to another person on this thing, too.

Rye is a Farm News staff writer and farmer from Hanlontown. Reach him by e-mail at crye@wctatel.net.

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